


Monster Nut

by damianwayne



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Attempt at Humor, Based on a Tumblr Post, GET READY FOR SOME SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT, M/M, is2g they say MONSTER NUT over 40 times be prepared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:10:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7842583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damianwayne/pseuds/damianwayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p> <i>panera bread now sells a “gluten conscious monster nut cookie” bc my life wasn’t weird enough without customers asking me “can i get that monster nut” five times a day</i><br/></p>
</blockquote>In which Iwaizumi works at Panera Bread and there's always this one annoying customer coming in asking for "that Monster Nut".
            </blockquote>





	Monster Nut

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pittsburgh_Bucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pittsburgh_Bucky/gifts).



> the mother of this ship is back ay
> 
> i swear to god this is all nikitas fault who linked me to [this textpost](http://ptsdhamlet.tumblr.com/post/149243863340/panera-bread-now-sells-a-gluten-conscious-monster)  
> also fun fact: if you'd play a drinking game and take a shot every time they say "monster nut" you'd die bc it's said over 40 times

 

Being a college student was hard enough as it is. Iwaizumi lived off from coffee nowadays, had to put up with his annoying flatmate Oikawa, and was often too broke to buy things he enjoyed. Being a college student who barely got enough sleep and had to work at Panera Bread to survive was even harder.

So when they told him about the newest cookie they were selling now, the first thing Iwaizumi said was, “No.”

“What’s wrong about it?” Suga asked. “I bet it’s delicious.”

“It’s called Gluten Conscious Monster Nut Cookie,” Iwaizumi told his coworker, who just raised an eyebrow.

“So?”

“Gluten Conscious Monster Nut Cookie,” Iwaizumi repeated. “Monster Nut. The people coming here are weird enough already, I don’t need to serve people asking me for a Monster Nut.”

His coworkers laughed at that.

“ I didn’t see it that way,” Moniwa confessed, “but well, do you have to think that way?”

“The internet ruined the word ‘nut’ for me,” Iwaizumi grumbled. And his friends. Definitely his friends.

“Maybe people won’t call it Monster Nut,” Suga said.

“You think they’re going to say ‘Hey, can I get a Gluten Conscious Monster Nut Cookie’? No. That’s a mouthful to say. They are going to say ‘Hey, can I get a Monster Nut?” And Iwaizumi would question every life choice that led him up to this very moment. Who even was in charge of naming this shit? They could’ve just named it Gluten Conscious Nut Cookie. No, it had to be a Monster Nut.

“It might not be as popular,” Shimizu informed him, smiling and Iwaizumi sighed. Maybe he was exaggerating, not everyone thought as… dirty as he did. They were all probably right.

* * *

No, they weren’t.

Okay, most customers weren’t assholes. They don’t say ‘I want a Monster Nut’ with the intention to say Monster Nut, but most of them still said it. Okay, he could deal with this. He cringed every time he heard it, but it was okay.

That was, until they got a new customer. Something about his appearance was loud, even before he opened his mouth. Right when he entered through the door, Iwaizumi knew that guy was going to be annoying as hell. He just had that face, no, that presence.

The guy was very tall, about as tall as the door itself, which was probably also because of his spiked up bright red hair. Pale skin, big eyes and a big grin on his lips, as he walked over to the counter.

There were no other customers there right now, so Iwaizumi had to deal with him immediately. He sighed and their gazes met.

“Hi!” the stranger said.

“Hello,” Iwaizumi replied, “can I help you?”

“Yeah, I want a coffee, black,” he said. “And, uh…” He looked around, probably to decide what to buy. That was usual. Iwaizumi had the time and he already started making the guy his coffee.

Then, he suddenly heard a gasp coming from the stranger and Iwaizumi turned to him. “Have you decided?”

“Yes! I want a Monster Nut!”

Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes and stared at the guy. He was different from the other people that wanted this cookie. He knew. The guy pointed at the cookies and smiled brightly.  “What? Can’t give me that Monster Nut?”

Iwaizumi had a hard day. He fell asleep at college because he pulled an all nighter the night before. He had to pay fees because he forgot to return his books to the library. That one asshole stole his seat. Yes, they didn’t have assigned seats, but it was his seat, there was this unwritten rule.

This day was already bad enough without some guy making fun of this cookie. He had to hold himself back to not snap at that random customer.

“Do you want it to go?”

The customer hummed. “Yep,” he replied, popping his ‘p’, “Monster Nut to go.”

Iwaizumi was going to kill him. He wanted to throw himself across the counter and headbutt him right there.

“Of course,” Iwaizumi forced himself to say, “something else?”

“Nope. That’s all there is!”

Iwaizumi nodded and took his order, taking the cookie and wrapping it. The guy leaned over the counter and Iwaizumi hated him already. He hoped he’d never come in again. He was probably overreacting, but he just had a bad day, cut him some slack.

“I wonder if it tastes good,” the guy said.

“The coffee?”

“No, the Monster Nu-”

“Do not,” Iwaizumi warned him and the guy just laughed. His laughter was kind of obnoxious too, just like everything about him. “Here. Black Coffee and… a cookie.”

“A _cookie_ ,” the stranger repeated, laughing. “Good one.”

Iwaizumi cringed and told him the price. The guy paid him and finally left. Thank god this was over.

* * *

It was not over.

The next time Iwaizumi had a shift, the same guy came in again. He wore a big green sweater and grey sweatpants and just looked generally like he just woke up and put on the first few things he could find. Then again, his hair was up like that again, so he probably spent time to actually do his hair.

“Hey, I’m back! Do you remember me?”

Unfortunately, yes. “No,” Iwaizumi replied. “Sorry. We get a lot of costumers.”

“That’s okay,” the stranger said. “I liked the Monster Nut. I’m gonna be a regular now, so you better memorize my face!”

Oh god, please no. What has he done to deserve this? Iwaizumi felt like his life was only going down, because he had a horrible today again. Well, it hadn’t actually been that bad, until he walked in on Oikawa having sex on the couch with his boyfriend. Iwaizumi didn’t have enough time to get angry at Oikawa, because he had to get ready for work, but when he gets home, Oikawa will get the ass kicking of his life.

“Are you fucking serious?” he blurted out and suddenly heard Moniwa next to him clear his throat. “I mean, great. I’m glad you liked the cookie.”

“The Monster Nut,” the stranger corrected him. “I’m Tendou by the way! Tendou Satori.”

 _I don’t care._ Iwaizumi wished he could say with confidence, that he’ll forget his name, but he was pretty sure he won’t.

“So, you want another one,” Iwaizumi said.

“What about your name?”

“I have a name tag,” Iwaizumi replied. Sadly.

“Yeah, but just Iwaizumi is kind of…”

“Just Iwaizumi is kind of good,” he interrupted him. “So, the cookie it is again?”

Tendou nodded. He didn’t seem to care that Iwaizumi’s tone was so harsh. He’s one of the Oikawa’s. Those kind of people that just don’t get it.

“Something else?”

“Just coffee again.”

Iwaizumi nodded, as he prepared the coffee, hoping that Tendou will now shut up. But he wasn’t.

“So, are you a college student too?”

“I’m a ‘that’s none of your business’,” Iwaizumi said.

“Yes, he is,” Moniwa chirped in. What a fucking traitor. Iwaizumi stared at his coworker. He hoped looks could kill.

“That’s cool! There are a lot of college students working here, right?”

“Well, it is near campus,” Iwaizumi just said and gave Tendou his cookie and coffee. Tendou gave him the money without Iwaizumi having to tell him.

“Well, have a nice day,” Moniwa said and then punched Iwaizumi at the side.

“Nice day,” Iwaizumi said and Tendou’s expression brightened.

“Thank you! I will! I’m going to enjoy your Monster Nut!” he shouted, as he walked out of the shop.

“I hate him,” Iwaizumi said, once the guy was gone. “And what was that?!”

Moniwa smiled. “You have to be nice to the customers, Iwaizumi. Especially if he said he wants to become a regular.”

“He wants to make fun of the Monster Nut Cookies, that’s what he wants,” Iwaizumi said and Moniwa shrugged.

“So?”

Iwaizumi just groaned.

* * *

 ****  


“Hey, this guy asked for you the other day,” Suga told him on Monday.

“What guy?”

“He said his name was… I don’t know anymore. Tall, red hair-”

“Say no more.” Oh god. He heard of those kind of customers. Customers that were annoying and latched onto the workers. He never had them before. Okay, sometimes he got some girls who came by often and then leave their numbers, but he never really minded. They’re cute, but he had never been interested.

Suga had one of those customers too, and now he was dating that guy. Sawamura something. Shimizu had too many of those people. Which wasn’t a surprise, she was pretty and kind. There were those three guys who were the most annoying, Nishinoya, Tanaka and Yamamoto. The three of them always came to the shop, almost every day and Iwaizumi once overheard how broke they were because they were here all the time.

Shimizu can handle those guys, though. She was tough.

Iwaizumi wasn’t not tough, but he didn’t know how to handle this. What does that guy even want from him? Suga’s guy had a crush on him, so do all of Shimizu’s admirers. But Tendou? He just wants to annoy him.

Can’t he annoy someone else?

“Do you know him?” Suga asked.

“No,” Iwaizumi just replied. “Annoying customer. That’s it.”

Tendou came in later that day, right before his shift ended. Right when Iwaizumi finally breathed out and thought he wasn’t going to come, he came by again and got the same as usual. Black coffee in which he dumped too much sugar for it to taste good and the Monster Nut Cookie.

“Say, Iwaizumi,” Tendou said, “do you bake them?”

“No.”

“Well, I bet your Monster Nut would be even more delicious!”

“Get out.”

Tendou just laughed, unfrazzled by that. “See you next time!”

“I think he likes you,” Suga teased.

“I think he hates me,” Iwaizumi corrected his coworker.

* * *

“So, something bad happened,” Tendou said the next time, when he was in the shop. Iwaizumi didn’t reply, he just made the coffee, which Tendou hadn’t asked for, but he knew he will. “Aren’t you going to ask me what?”

“Not really, no.”

“You’re no fun,” Tendou pouted, but then he just went on. “Okay, so I gave my flatmate the cookie-” Oh, now suddenly he can say cookie and not ‘Monster Nut’?! “And turns out he has a nut allergy. I had to go to the ER with him.”

Iwaizumi stared at him. “Didn’t he know it has nuts?!”

“I, uh, didn’t tell him,” Tendou confessed. “I just didn’t know, okay! I think he wanted to kill me while we sat in the hospital.”

“Wow, I wish I knew that feeling,” Iwaizumi said in a monotone voice. He feels bad for that guy’s flatmate. Whoever it was, he probably had such a miserable life as Iwaizumi.

“But it’s such a good cookie! I just wanted to share!” Tendou defended himself. “Okay, can I get two today?”

“Please don’t give them to your flatmate.”

“I won’t, silly.” Tendou rolled his eyes. “I was going to give them to my best friend! Hey, do you want some Monster Nut too?”

“No. I’m allergic to nuts.”

“Really?”

“No.”

Tendou laughed. “You’re funny.”

Funny. Really. He’s _funny_.

Okay, Iwaizumi can be funny. He wasn’t grumpy all the time. He liked his friends, even if he sometimes doesn’t show it to Oikawa. He jokes with his other friends and laughs a lot with them. But this guy? This guy was seriously getting on his nerves.

Iwaizumi just packed him two cookies instead of one and shoved them across the counter. “Enjoy your-”

“Monster Nuts,” Tendou finished the sentence and slid the money across too.

Iwaizumi sighed and gave him the change.

“Thank you! Goodbye then, see you soon, Iwaizumi!”

He hopes ‘soon’, was not ‘tomorrow’.

* * *

 ****  


Tendou became a constant point in his life now, sadly. He was part of Iwaizumi’s work routine.

He drops by when Iwaizumi had his shifts (The others confirmed that he only then comes, which probably means he memorized Iwaizumi’s shifts). It was normal now. Tendou comes by, gets black coffee, two of those cookies (apparently his friend really liked them) and then talked with him.

Iwaizumi got used to it after a while. He wasn’t angry anymore, but he wasn’t exactly enjoying their conversations. He just… dealt with them.

“So, I found out something great today!” Tendou shouted one day, about three weeks after he came by the first time.

“That there are other cookies?” Iwaizumi guessed and Tendou rolled his eyes.

“You know the best friend I told you about? He asked me where I always get my Monster Nuts from!” Iwaizumi flinched upon hearing those words again. “And I told him from that cool Bara guy from Panera Bread!”

Did he just call him a Bara guy?! “What?”

“And guess what? He knows you!”

Which guy who Iwaizumi knew would be that guy’s best friend?! Iwaizumi thinks. Maybe Bokuto, they’d fit, they’re both crazy as hell and have kind of the same hairstyle. But no, that can’t be, because Bokuto’s best friend was Kuroo. Matsukawa and Hanamaki? Well, they’re each other’s best friend…

“Wakatoshi! You know him, right? He told me you’re his boyfriend’s best friend.”

Ushijima Wakatoshi. “You’re Ushiwaka’s best friend?”

“Yes. Why?”

How the hell did they fit? On the other hand, Iwaizumi had no idea how Oikawa and he fit either. Ushijima seemed like a calm and stoic person (not that he was actually stoic, Iwaizumi heard enough from Oikawa to know that he wasn’t).

“What a coincidence.”

“I know, right? That’s so cool!” Tendou shouted. “We should all hang out some time!”

“No.” Iwaizumi gave him his order.

“Aw, why not?”

“I don’t have time.”

“I haven’t even said when.” Tendou paid back with the exact amount of money.

“I don’t have time then,” Iwaizumi replied and Tendou pouted.

“You’ll change your mind soon, Hajime!” And he ran out of the shop.

“I didn’t know you two were so close that he calls you by your first name,” Shimizu said.

“We’re not.”

* * *

 ****  


Oikawa burst out in laughter, when he heard this. “Oh god, Iwa-chan, I should’ve known! When you first told me about that annoying customer of yours.”

“How the hell is Ushiwaka friends with him?!”

“They know each other from High School,” Oikawa explained. “I know, he’s annoying. I didn’t like him at first either.”

“But you’re annoying too, shouldn’t you get along?”

“Rude, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa bit into his milk bread. “He’s… hard to handle. But I know you can do it!”

“What? He’s just a customer.”

“Ushiwaka told me he’s very fond of you.” Oikawa smiled and wiggled his eyebrows. “When was the last time you went on a date?”

“I- that’s none of your business,” Iwaizumi snarled back. It had been a long time ago. “And Tendou isn’t interested in me like that. He just wants to annoy me. Gets some kicks out of it or something.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

“And even if, I’d never date him. Have you even seen him?” Iwaizumi asked and Oikawa smiled knowingly.

“Oh yes, I’ve seen him,” he said. “He always wears those oversized sweaters, but trust me. Suns out? Guns out!”

“Shut the hell up.”

* * *

One day, Tendou didn’t order his coffee and cookie to go.

No, he stayed. Just sat down and drank his coffee with too much sugar and ate his cookie. Iwaizumi was confused. Why would he do that? Tendou looked over to him every time Iwaizumi’s gaze accidentally landed on him and smiled and waved.

“He’s trying out a new strategy,” Suga teased him.

“A new strategy to get on my nerves.”

“To woo you.”

“He’s not trying to woo me!”

Suga rolled his eyes. “Iwaizumi, I was in your shoes too, a year ago.”

“It’s different. Sawamura is a good person. You liked him from the very beginning. You looked forward to him every time” Iwaizumi said and Suga just shrugged.

“Maybe. He’s kind of cute though, don’t you think?” What the hell was he even talking about? Iwaizumi looked over to Tendou, who had his earphones on, eyes closed and his mouth full of the cookie, while drumming his fingers on the table.

Okay, that kind of did look adorable, how his cheeks looked like hamsters, but everyone would look cute that way. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Iwaizumi replied.

* * *

 ****  


Iwaizumi had a bad day. Capital B.

And when Tendou came in, he just felt like his mood was dropping.

“Listen,” Iwaizumi said before Tendou could say anything, “I had a shitty day, okay? I over slept, there was no coffee, I lost my phone, got a bad grade on my essay, then it rained and I had no umbrella and the manager was here today and scolded me for making a tiny mistake. I really don’t have the patience for your weird crazy antics and if I hear the words ‘Monster Nut’, I’m going to snap.”

Tendou stared at him and then nodded. “Okay. Then I’ll get something else.”

Iwaizumi blinked. He didn’t think that guy would actually be nice about this. “What?”

“Red velvet! How about that? I never ate that here. To be fair, I never got anything else but the Mo- I mean. The cookie,” Tendou corrected himself. Iwaizumi was still so shocked. “What? Do you think I’m an asshole? I don’t want to make your day even worse!”

“I- I don’t know. Uh. Okay, a Red Velvet cake it is then.”

“Cool.” Tendou nodded. “Also, sorry for your awful day.”

“Not your fault,” Iwaizumi replied, while preparing his order. “Do you want coffee?”

“Yeah. By the way, do you like anime?”

“What?”

“Here.” Tendou put something on the counter and Iwaizumi stared at it. It was some stick for an anime he didn’t know.

“What?” Iwaizumi just repeated and Tendou took the cake.

“I really liked that anime! It’s funny. I like the sticker and was really happy when I got it, but I’m horrible with stickers. They’re such a commitment, you know? Once you stick them onto something, there’s no going back,” Tendou rambled, “but I bet you’re better with them! I hope you like it and it cheers you on!”

“But… you like that,” Iwaizumi said. “I don’t even know who it is.”

“You don’t know what Osomatsu-san is? You should watch it! Anyway, thank you!” Tendou paid and walked over to one of the tables. Iwaizumi was too confused by what just happened. He took the sticker and smiled for the first time this day.

Maybe Tendou wasn’t actually that bad.

* * *

“So, Hajime! Are you feeling better now?”

 _Don’t call me Hajime_ , is what Iwaizumi usually would’ve said. Instead, he just nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“For what? Not annoying you?”

“That and the sticker I guess.” Iwaizumi shrugged and Tendou laughed.

“No problem, we’re friends.” Were they? Tendou was just a customer. Maybe a week ago Iwaizumi would’ve denied it, but now he just nodded again.

“Okay.”

Tendou beamed at him with such a bright smile. “Great! So give me some Monster Nut of yours-”

“Oh my god.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but smile too. He even chatted a little bit with Tendou this time and found out more about him. Tendou had been coming to his work for over a month now, almost every day and Iwaizumi only now found out about his major. He was studying journalism and their college buildings were far away from each other, which was probably why they’ve never met before.

When Tendou walked out of the shop, Iwaizumi turned around only to see Suga smirking at him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” his co worker replied, still with that smug smile on his lips. “I guess he’s not that bad, right?”

“I guess.” Iwaizumi shrugged.

“You’re warming up to him,” Suga teased.

“Forget it, I’m not joining your club.”

“What club?”

“The ‘I fell for the guy that always bothers me at work’ club,” Iwaizumi said and Suga laughed.

“It should be ‘person’, because Shimizu and that one little blonde girl seem to be hitting it off,” Suga corrected him. “Either way, if you do change your mind one day, you might give him a real Monster Nu-”

“Oh my god, Suga!” Iwaizumi shouted and Suga just laughed.

* * *

 ****  


Iwaizumi had no idea what he was doing.

Why was he doing this? He didn’t like Tendou. Well, okay, he did like him. He wasn’t that bad anymore and the time they talked with each other kept getting longer to the point that sometimes customers behind Tendou started to get annoyed.

So, what? They were friends. That didn’t explain why Iwaizumi was doing this. That wasn’t him. God, this was a stupid idea, waiting for Tendou to turn up and getting all nervous.

“Iwaizumi-san, are you okay?” Shimizu asked him and Iwaizumi nodded. Yes, he was okay. He just… kept staring at the door, wondering when the tall red haired guy will walk through. He can’t believe that he actually looks forward to that now.

“Yes, I am. Thanks for asking.”

The girl smiled. “No problem. If you need a break, just let me know.”

“Okay.”

Five minutes later, Tendou walked in. “Heyo!” he shouted, making some of the few customers raise their head.

“Can you be a little bit quieter?” Iwaizumi asked and Tendou lowered his voice.

“Heyo.” Okay, he was going to do it. No. Wait. Yes. “Hajime?”

Iwaizumi pressed something against Tendou’s face. “Here. For you. Don’t mention it.”

“Whaaaat?” Tendou seemed to be confused and then stared at the little book Iwaizumi pressed against his face. He opened it and widened his eyes. “Oh my god! That’s an Osomatsu-san sticker book! Did you buy this for me?”

“I said don’t mention it,” Iwaizumi murmured. God, this was a stupid idea. “I saw it the other day and…” _It made me think of you_ _._ God, that sounded so fucking sappy. They were just friends after all.

“Thank you!” Tendou lunged over the counter to hug Iwaizumi, which again resulted in the customers raising their heads.

Iwaizumi blushed and pushed the other male away. “What the hell.”

“I’ll cherish it forever!”

“Use the stickers.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Tendou hugged the book against his chest. “My first present of Hajime, I’m so happy!”

“First? What makes you think there’ll be more?”

“I just have a feeling!” Tendou said. “You should watch the anime, though.”

“I don’t really have much time,” Iwaizumi said. Ever since he started college, he stopped watching anime and reading manga. Back in High School, he did it all the time.

“Come on, one episode is like twenty minutes. You can spare twenty minutes of your life!” Tendou smiled brightly. Iwaizumi sighed and changed the subject.

“Do you want to have the usual?”

“Yes! One Monster Nut to go from my favorite person!”

“I swear to god, Tendou, I’m going to ban you from this shop one of these days.”

“But I’m your favorite customer!”

Sadly, that was kind of true.

* * *

 ****  


So what? He did start watching the anime. That meant nothing.

It was funny. Iwaizumi had missed this, watching useless things just because he could. Since college he had been so busy, barely took his time to do something he enjoyed just all on his own. It was… nice, actually. To just sit down alone on his bed and watch one of those stupid episodes with those little weirdly animated characters and laugh at the screen.

Tendou asked him about it, who his favorite was and what his favorite episode was. They talk about other things too, and before he knew it, it had been already two months since they’ve known each other.

Tendou also didn’t only order the  Monster Nut Cookie anymore, he said he was kind of sick of it, so now he only bought it two times a week.

Iwaizumi ignored the knowing looks of his coworkers. Or of Oikawa. He tried to avoid Ushijima’s questions about Tendou too, every time Oikawa’s boyfriend was over.

Okay, he liked Tendou. But that was it.

Oh, how _wrong_ he was.

It was the warmest day so far in the year and most people wore T-shirts today. Spring was finally here. Iwaizumi was chatting with Moniwa behind the counter, because there weren’t many customers today, when Tendou came in.

At first, he didn’t even recognize it was Tendou. He wore his hair down for the first time and… God, did he look _good_.

“Hi!”

Iwaizumi blinked at the man in front of him. “Who are you and what have you done to Tendou?”

Tendou laughed. He even wore a T-Shirt today too, and Oikawa was right. He wasn’t just skinny how one would’ve guessed just judging from his oversized sweaters. He had lean muscles. His arms weren’t as big as Iwaizumi’s, but still. Shit, since when did he look so good?

“I overslept today and hadn’t had time to do my hair,” Tendou explained and ran his fingers through his red hair, exposing his forehead.

Iwaizumi had no idea what was happening, but he just thought it was extremely attractive. He suddenly had the urge to do it too, just run his fingers through Tendou’s hair.

“You look stupid,” he blurted out. What was he saying?

“Aw, you hurt my feelings!” Tendou chuckled.

“I mean- you…” Iwaizumi felt his face burning. Oh no. “Whatever. Set your alarm next time.”

Tendou sighed. “I totally should. It keeps getting in my way,” he said, “the hair I mean.”

“Here,” Moniwa suddenly said and offered Tendou a hair clip.

“Ah, thank you!” Tendou smiled and clipped his hair back and Iwaizumi didn’t know whether to hate or love Moniwa right now. Tendou at least didn’t look so freaking hot anymore, but now he looked adorable and Iwaizumi hated this.

“Okay, give me some coffee and the biggest Monster Nut you have.”

“I’ll give you all the Monster Nut you wa-,” Iwaizumi stopped himself before he could embarrass himself. “I mean. Okay. Stop calling it that.”

He heard Moniwa snicker and Iwaizumi glared at him. This was the worst. The absolute _worst_.

* * *

“I met Tendou today!” Oikawa told him later that day, when Iwaizumi was in his room, trying to not think about Tendou and completely failing.

“Great,” Iwaizumi said. “Why do I care?”

“He gave me the Monster Nut!”

“Don’t call it that too!”

Oikawa laughed and sat down next to Iwaizumi on his bed. “He looked really good today, right? With his hair down and a shirt?” Oikawa teased him.

“Shut the fuck up, Shittykawa.”

“I mean, he’s not like Ushiwaka,” Oikawa said. “Not Daddy material.”

“I hate you so fucking much-”

“But,” Oikawa interrupted him, “he’s not that bad, huh? Right, Iwa-chan? You think so too, don’t you?”

Iwaizumi groaned. He couldn’t deny it, not anymore. “Get out of my room.”

Oikawa laughed cheerlessly. “Iwa-chan, you should ask him out!”

“No. And that’s none of your business.”

“Aw, come on! It is, you know it. Tendou is Ushiwaka’s best friend and you’re my best friend. I can’t believe I never thought of it before, or I would’ve brought you together years ago!” Oikawa smiled.

“What? You haven’t even been dating Ushiwaka for a year!”

“Well, months ago.”

“Just get out.”

“Okay, fine! But I’m just trying to play wingman here, Iwa-chan! You haven’t got laid in years!” Oikawa said, as he walked out of Iwaizumi’s room.

* * *

It was the first time in over two months Tendou didn’t come during Iwaizumi’s shift. Iwaizumi wasn’t really happy about the fact that he was actually disappointed. Tendou coming by the shop and talking with him actually cheered him up, he looked forward to it and now he wasn’t here.

It was just one day, so it was fine. Maybe Tendou was sick, or he just had something to do. Iwaizumi didn’t think much about it.

That was, until the next day, he wasn’t there either. And the day after and the day after that. Right when Iwaizumi just thought he might like Tendou.

Why? Was it because of how ridiculous he acted the last time he saw him? Maybe there was something with him? Iwaizumi hated that he even put away one of the Monster Nut Cookies for Tendou on Wednesday and Friday, because those were always the days Tendou bought the cookies. At the end of the day, Tendou still didn’t appear, so Iwaizumi ate them himself.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi one day said to Oikawa during dinner.

“Yes?”

“Do you know if there’s something up with Tendou?”

“Why?”

“He hasn’t come by to the shop in, uh, a week.” Which was a very damn long time, considering he always came by when Iwaizumi had his shifts, which were five times a week.

Oikawa grinned. “No, not that I know of. I can ask Ushiwaka. If you want, I can give you his number too, Iwa-chan!”

“No, thank you.” Iwaizumi returned back to his dinner. Maybe Tendou really was sick. Iwaizumi wasn’t surprised. It was probably because he ate too many Nut Cookies.

* * *

But when another week passed, Iwaizumi really started to feel weird.

“Why isn’t Tendou coming by anymore?” Shimizu asked. Iwaizumi shrugged. He had no idea. Was it something he said? Did he do something wrong? Shit, he never meant to become so attached to the other male.

“Hey, where’s Tendou? I miss him, he was kind of funny and the life of the shop every time he came by,” Moniwa said and Iwaizumi had no idea what to reply either. He was right. Tendou was kind of funny. Weird? yes, but also funny.

“Well, Iwaizumi, there goes your chance,” Suga teased and Iwaizumi glared at him. “Just kidding. But next time he’s here, ask him out.”

Oikawa kept pestering him with “Are you sure you don’t want to have his number, Iwa-chan?”

And to be fair, Iwaizumi wasn’t sure. He kept saving a Monster Nut Cookie for Tendou and after the third time he was already sick of it. Honestly, how the hell was Tendou able to eat those for two months straight? On top of it, where the hell did he even get all that money from to go to the shop almost every day?

Maybe Iwaizumi should’ve appreciated him more.

What the fuck? No. He just recently realized he liked Tendou, there wasn’t much he could’ve done anyway.

After over two weeks, Iwaizumi was desperate. He decided to ask Oikawa for Tendou’s number today, if he wouldn’t come into the shop. Yes, it was desperate and he never would’ve thought he’d consider doing it, but he can’t keep on with this. Iwaizumi kept catching his mind wandering off to Tendou. He couldn’t even concentrate in class anymore. Shit, he must really like that guy.

Luckily, when the door opened for the eighteenth time this day (yes, he counted), it was Tendou. Iwaizumi immediately jerked up.

“Tendou!” He smiled, but then he realized what he was doing and stopped smiling. “I mean, long time no see.”

Tendou smiled. “Yeah, sorry, I was busy. I would’ve told you, but I don’t have your number.”

Well, he could’ve asked Ushijima, couldn’t he? “Oh.” Iwaizumi nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay, that was a lie. I wasn’t busy.”

“Huh?”

Somebody cleared their throat, a middle aged woman. “Excuse me, but I was here first.”

“Let’s talk when you get off, okay?” Tendou walked away and sat down on his usual seat at the window. What did he mean? Iwaizumi was too confused and nervous during the whole time he served the woman.

“Just go there, I’ll take over for you,” Shimizu said.

“You don’t need to-”

“Iwaizumi-san, I know you want to.”

Iwaizumi blushed. “Okay. Thank you.” He walked over to Tendou and sat across from him. “You know you can’t just sit here without buying something.”

“What are you going to do?” Tendou teased. “Kick me out?”

“Maybe.” Iwaizumi shrugged.

“Okay, so…” Tendou fumbled around with his thumbs. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt today too, and Iwaizumi couldn’t stop himself from staring at Tendou’s arms. “It was Oikawa’s idea.”

“What?”

“Well, he said I should stop coming to the shop and play hard to get until you ask him for my number and I was getting really desperate here, man! I wasn’t even sure if you liked me back and then I was like ‘What do I have to lose’ except for your friendship of course,” Tendou said. “So then I just. Did it. But then two weeks passed and I couldn’t not come here to see you! Oikawa told me the whole time not to come and I think he’s going to be mad at me now, but whatever! You’re obviously not interested and didn’t ask for my number.”

Iwaizumi blinked and after a few seconds passed, finally said something. “I’m going to kill Oikawa.”

Tendou laughed nervously. “Yeah, that was kind of stupid. But don’t hate him! I asked for his advice!”

“That was really stupid advice!”

“Well, he somehow got Wakatoshi, I thought he’s good in that kind of stuff.”

Iwaizumi groaned and put his elbows on the table, burying his face in his hands. “Monster Nut Cookies are awful.”

“What?”

“I always reserved one for you on Wednesday and Friday. I thought you might come and then there aren’t any. But you never came, so I ate them myself and let me tell you, after three cookies I couldn’t even look at them anymore. How the hell did you manage to eat them for so long?”

Tendou laughed. “I just really love your Monster Nuts.”

“No. Try again.”

“The power of love?” Tendou smiled nervously.

“Little bit too early for love, don’t you think?”

“The power of a crush?”

Iwaizumi looked down at the table, flustered. “Better.”

“So… you missed me, huh?”

“I got used to you,” Iwaizumi defended himself.

“So you missed me,” Tendou said with a big grin.

“Okay, yes.”

“Aw, I missed you too, Hajime!” Tendou smiled brightly and sat up. What was he doing? Iwaizumi was too confused to react, but Tendou just squished himself next to Iwaizumi’s seat and hugged him from the site.

“What the hell are you doing? Cut this crap, we’re in public.”

“I’ll stop if you ask me out.” Tendou’s head was on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, who shook his head.

“Not gonna happen.”

“I don’t mind cuddling you.”

“Fine. Would you… Do you want to go out with me?”

“Yes!”

“You’re still hugging me.”

“Do you expect me not, to if the guy I liked just asked me out?” Tendou asked and Iwaizumi sighed.

“People are watching, you know.”

“Don’t care.”

God, dating this guy was going to be exhausting. But it was a sacrifice Iwaizumi was willing to make, for whatever reasons. “I think I have to get back to work.”

“Okay. I’ll leave my number for you!”

Iwaizumi nodded. “Okay. Now get out of here so I can go back.”

“Can I get a kiss?”

“Now you’re just being greedy.”

“Oh. Okay.” Tendou nodded and he looked so disappointed, that Iwaizumi took a deep breath and fought against his own rules. He grabbed Tendou by his collar and pulled him closer to kiss him.

The movement was too sudden, too rushed, that their foreheads bumped against each other and both of them screamed out.

“What was that, Hajime?!”

“Never mind. Get out.”

“You just tried to kiss me, right?”

“No, I wanted to… headbutt you,” Iwaizumi said and Tendou smiled.

“Do that again!”

“Headbutt you?”

“No. Kiss me, silly.” Tendou rolled his eyes and Iwaizumi chuckled before leaning in and kissing him on the lips. It was a soft and gentle kiss and even though Iwaizumi really hated the fact that everyone was probably watching, including Shimizu, he smiled into the kiss. At least Suga didn’t have his shift today, because Iwaizumi knew he would tease him for it.

Tendou kissed him back, his hands on both sides of Iwaizumi’s face and when they broke the kiss, he smiled at him.

“Can you give me a Monster Nut?”

“Tendou.”

“Yes?”

“You have to promise me one thing if you want to date me,” Iwaizumi said.

“Everything!”

“Do not, never ever again say ‘Monster Nut’. If you do it, we’re over.”

Tendou swallowed hard and nodded slowly. “Okay. No more Monster- I mean, yeah, sure.”

“Good.” Tendou sat up to let Iwaizumi out and Iwaizumi went back to work.

“So,” Shimizu said, “does this mean you’ll join our club?”

“Your clu- Did Suga tell you about it?” Iwaizumi asked and she smiled and nodded.

“Yes.”

Iwaizumi sighed and looked over to Tendou, who was still sitting at the window table and waved at Iwaizumi. “Yeah, I guess I’ll have to join.”

* * *

 ****  


They’ve been dating for almost three weeks now.

Tendou didn’t have to come by almost every day to the shop anymore, but he still did. At least he didn’t order Monster Nut Cookies anymore. No, instead he waited right outside the shop when Iwaizumi’s shifts were over and they walked home together.

Iwaizumi invited him up all the time, unless Tendou had early classes. They spent a lot of time in Iwaizumi’s room, watching some anime and it usually always ended up with them making out. They never went much further than that though, because Oikawa was there and unlike Oikawa, Iwaizumi had some manners and didn’t want to have sex when his flatmate was home.

Okay, that was a lie. He just didn’t want to have sex for the first time with Tendou when his flatmate was home.

This weekend, he was over at Tendou’s place for the first time. He met Tendou’s flatmate, Semi, the guy who had to be in the ER because of the Monster Nut Cookies. The guy seemed nice and like a normal person, no idea how he could deal with living with Tendou. On the other hand, Semi asked him how he could deal with dating Tendou and Iwaizumi didn’t really have an answer to that either.

“He’s going to be gone in a moment,” Tendou said, when they were alone in his room. It was not as messy as Iwaizumi thought it would be.

“Your room is clean.”

Tendou laughed. “No, it’s not.”

“It is.”

Tendou walked over to his closet and opened it, showing Iwaizumi how all his mess was there. “I literally threw all of it inside, like five minutes before you showed up.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “You didn’t need to.”

“Aw, you would still love me if I lived in a mess?”

“Well, you _are_ a mess.”

Tendou smiled and Iwaizumi sat down on Tendou’s bed. “So, where is Semi going?”

“Oh, to a party. No idea how his friends managed to convince him, usually when I drag him to parties I have to beg for hours!” Tendou walked over to Iwaizumi and straddled his lap, arms around Iwaizumi’s neck. “We should go to a party together some day too!”

Iwaizumi looked up. “Maybe.”

“Totally,” Tendou said and leaned down to kiss him. “I really want to show off my boyfriend!”

Iwaizumi sighed and kissed him back.

“I’m gone! See you tomorrow!” Semi shouted from outside. The main door fell closed and Tendou smirked.

“We have the place all to ourselves,” he said and pushed Iwaizumi down, so he was lying flat on the bed. Tendou crawled over him and placed his lips on Iwaizumi’s again, whose hand crawled up to Tendou’s hair.

Iwaizumi tilted his head and kissed him back. He opened his mouth and their tongues brushed. The kisses got deeper and they rearranged themselves so their bodies were completely on bed, Tendou still over him. Iwaizumi’s hands were on his boyfriend’s ass, squeezing it, which made Tendou moan into his mouth.

“Take off your shirt,” Iwaizumi told him and Tendou smiled, when he sat up and did what hewas told.

“Bossy. I like it.”

It wasn’t the first time Iwaizumi saw Tendou shirtless, but he doubted he’d get sick of it any time soon. He sat up and pulled Tendou towards him to kiss him roughly. Then, his lips wandered to Tendou’s neck, and he nibbled at the skin. Tendou breathed out, his fist clutching at Iwaizumi’s shirt and tugging on it.

Iwaizumi knew exactly what he wanted and sat back to undress himself. Tendou licked his lips and let his hands roam over Iwaizumi’s body.

“I love your Bara Arms.”

“I swear to god, Tendou-”

Tendou kissed him and bit down on Iwaizumi’s lower lip. “I want you to fuck me,” he whispered into his ear and Iwaizumi took a deep breath. Something in him snapped and he flipped Tendou so he was lying underneath him.

Tendou looked up with a big smile and immediately wrapped his legs around Iwaizumi’s waist. “I suppose you like that?”

Iwaizumi didn’t reply. He dragged his hands over Tendou’s legs and kissed him again, the kiss was sloppy and messy. Then, he licked over Tendou’s exposed collarbone, making his boyfriend’s breathing harder. Iwaizumi’s hands wandered to the front of Tendou’s jeans, fumbling with the zipper. He pulled the zipper down and kissed Tendu’s chest, letting the kisses trail down lower and lower.

“Shit,” Tendou groaned and laid back his head, burying his fingers into Iwaizumi’s hair. “Hajime…”

Iwaizumi smiled at the reaction and right before he could pull down the jeans, he heard those words.

“ _Give me that Monster Nut_.”

Iwaizumi sat up straight immediately. “I’m done.” He reached out for his shirt and put it back on.

“Wait-”

“Nope.” Iwaizumi just shook his head, while he got up from the bed and walked backwards out of the door. “No. Nah. Nada. Non. Nein.”

“Aw, come on, Hajime!”

Iwaizumi turned around and left the apartment.

* * *

 ****  


Oikawa burst out in laughter, tears already at the corner of his eyes. “And then he said _what_?!”

“Oikawa, shut up, I’m not going to say it another time.”

Oikawa was clutching onto his pillow that was shaped like an alien head and laughed even harder. He fell onto his back and raised his legs up, wiggling them and shaking his whole body. “Iwa-chan, this is the best thing I’ve heard today. No, all week. Scratch that, in my entire _life_.”

“That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life! It’s nothing compared to what you ever said”

Oikawa tried to calm himself down and sat up, wiping away his tears. “First of all: Rude. I can’t believe you compared me to your boyfriend that asked for the Monster- for the Monster-” He just started laughing again and Iwaizumi regretted that he told his best friend about his failed first time with Tendou.

“Oikawa, if you don’t stop laughing,” Iwaizumi swore.

“Okay, Iwa-chan, I’m sorry! But come on, you would’ve laughed in my place too! Hell, I still remember when you laughed for a week straight after I told you about the time I tried to sext with Ushiwaka!” 

Oh, yes, Iwaizumi remembered. But now that he was in that place, it was worse. Especially, because Oikawa’s failed attempt at sexting wasn’t even _remotely_ as horrible as Iwaizumi’s failed attempt at sex.

“I’m serious now. What the fuck should I have done?”

“Laugh? Get laid? Iwa-chan, I’m serious too! The last time you had sex was like in your first semester! That’s years ago!”

“One year,” Iwaizumi corrected.

“And a half,” Oikawa added and Iwaizumi sighed.

“I told him it’s over if he ever says ‘Monster Nut’ ever again- Oikawa, stop laughing!”

Oikawa put his hands in front of his mouth, trying to hold it back, but then he gave up. “Iwa-chan, come on, don’t be angry!”

“I am angry!”

“I can’t believe you left him with blue balls because of the Monster- the fucking Monster Nu-” He was laughing way too hard to actually form any words and Iwaizumi smacked him on his head, even if not too hard. “Ouch!” Oikawa took a deep breath. “Okay, first of all: You were an ass.”

“What?!”

“You can’t just walk out of the foreplay, just because he said that! I mean, that _was_ a massive turn off, but no need to just walk out!”

“I couldn’t stay.”

“Of course you could’ve.”

“I told him-”

“That it’ll be over if he ever says it again, yes,” Oikawa said. “But it’s not over anyway, right? You like him too much. God, Iwa-chan, it was just something he said in the heat of the moment!”

“Nobody fucking says ‘Give me that Monster Nut’ in the heat of the moment!” Repeating it for the third time, actually made Iwaizumi laugh too. He and Oikawa stared at each other and then Iwaizumi couldn’t hold himself back anymore and burst out in laughter. Oikawa followed suit and soon they were both clutching onto each other, laughing.

After a while, they both calmed down and wiped away their tears. “Okay, what now?” Iwaizumi asked.

“Go to him and apologize.”

“Shouldn’t he apologize?!”

“No. You should apologize, Iwa-chan. It’s rude to just leave!”

He did have a point. Iwaizumi sighed. He should’ve seen this coming when he first started dating Tendou, but he didn’t think it’d be _that_ bad. Sadly, there was no going back, because he liked him too much, even if Tendou was a complete idiot.

* * *

One day later, Iwaizumi rang the bell of Tendou’s apartment. They haven’t talked or texted each other since the… incident.

Tendou opened the door and stared at Iwaizumi. His hair was down again and wet, he probably only just got out of the shower. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry,” Iwaizumi said, looking down. God, this was so fucking embarrassing. “For just… walking out. That was an asshole thing of me to do.”

“Well, I’m glad you know,” Tendou said. “I thought you were gonna leave me just for the joke.” He sounded sad. Shit, he actually sounded sad and now Iwaizumi felt horrible.

“Well…” Iwaizumi hated himself so much for this and he even hated Oikawa more for the idea. He grabbed into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a bag from Panera Bread. He takes out the cookie from it and places it in Tendou’s hand. “I’m here to give you the Monster Nut.”

He had never felt more embarrassed in his entire life and he was sure his face was bright red now.

Tendou stared at him and then burst out in laughter. Oh god, he knew this was a bad idea. How do you erase the last ten seconds of your life?!

“Hajime,” Tendou said and hugged him. “I fucking love you.”

“I- What?”

Tendou kissed his forehead and laughed even more. “Okay, but for real now, give me that Monster Nut.”

“I swear to god, don’t ever say that again.”

“I won’t, I won’t. I promise.” And then Tendou took his hand and lead him to the bedroom. This time, he never said those horrible two words. Or ever again during sex, because Iwaizumi swore that if he’d ever do it again, he’d really walk out and this time it would be serious.

They also both agreed to never eat those cookies ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu @ [tumblr ](aegontargaryen.tumblr.com)
> 
> also i wrote [an iwaten fic](http://aegontargaryen.tumblr.com/post/148548118959/so-you-read-manga) before and i realized.... its almost the same, just without all the nuts lmao


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